Salt Office of the Republic of Austria

Welcome to the Salt Office of the Republic of Austria. Our areas of competence are best described by this Wikipedia quote:

The word "Salzamt" lives on primarily in Austria as an expression for a non-existent authority, or for an authority where filing a complaint is pointless. When there is no legal recourse against an official decision, one may "complain to the Salt Office."

Areas of Activity

The Salt Office is your point of contact for all manner of whiny affairs. To ensure your whining is handled effectively, please take note of our competencies and core tasks before submitting an application.

Competencies

The competencies of the Salt Office lie primarily in the objective processing of received applications that nobody else cares about.

To ensure that citizens feel heard and understood, the Salt Office now offers an online form. This form is at best left unprocessed, and typically ignored entirely, to ensure that no consequences arise from any given inquiry.

Areas of Jurisdiction

The Salt Office is, among other things, responsible for the satisfaction and dissatisfaction of Austrian citizens. This encompasses the moderately prompt handling of bureaucratic problems, weather-related complaints, and when your back's playing up again.

Not falling under the Salt Office's jurisdiction are, among other things, all matters that impact the break times of our civil servants. Break times are, unless otherwise specified, unlimited.

Important Notes

Processing time is, until further notice, targeted at NaN.

Responsible office:
Dr. Mag. Niemanden(en)
Department for General Dissatisfaction

Opening hours:
Mon-Fri, 08:00-08:15
(excluding Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, as well as Sundays and public holidays, as well as Tuesdays when the digit sum of the date is odd)