Terms and Conditions
Office: Das Salzamt (The Salt Office)
Domain: sudern.jetzt
Last updated: March 2026
1. Scope of Application
1.1. These Terms and Conditions (hereinafter "Terms") govern the use of the website sudern.jetzt (hereinafter "Website") and all associated services of the Salt Office of the Republic of Austria (hereinafter "the Office"), operated by Lena Tauchner.
1.2. The Salt Office is a satirical internet project. It is not a government service, official authority, or complaints body of any kind. There is no connection whatsoever to the Austrian federal government or any official institution. Any resemblance to actual governmental efficiency is purely coincidental.
1.3. By accessing or using the Website, you agree to be bound by these Terms. Failure to have read them will be duly noted in your file.
2. Definitions
For the purposes of these Terms, the following definitions apply:
- Complaint: A submission of dissatisfaction made via the complaint form, regardless of its validity, quality, or literary merit.
- User: Any natural person who accesses the Website and/or submits a complaint.
- Processing: The act of acknowledging receipt of a complaint without necessarily taking any further action.
- Satisfaction: Not applicable.
3. Description of Services
3.1. The Office provides users with the ability to submit complaints via an online form. Said complaints are duly noted. No further action is planned or intended.
3.2. Processing time is, until further notice, targeted at NaN.
3.3. The Office makes no guarantees regarding availability, processing speed, or the fundamental nature of reality. Scheduled maintenance windows coincide with the Office's opening hours.
4. User Obligations
4.1. Complaints shall be submitted in a tone befitting correspondence with a federal office — even one that does not exist.
4.2. Complaints must not exceed 500 characters. Users unable to express their grievance within 500 characters are encouraged to practice the art of brevity.
4.3. Users must not include personal data of third parties in their complaints. This includes, but is not limited to, names, addresses, telephone numbers, email addresses, or any other information that could identify a natural person. Complaints containing third-party personal data may be rejected or removed without notice. The submitting user bears sole responsibility for any data protection violations resulting from the inclusion of third-party personal data.
4.4. The use of automated systems for mass submission of complaints is prohibited. The Office already suffers from a sufficient volume of manually submitted dissatisfaction.
5. Prohibited Content
The following content is not permitted in complaints:
- Personal data of third parties (see Section 4.3)
- Threats, insults, or incitement to violence
- Unlawful content of any kind
- Complaints about the complaint form itself (meta-complaints must be filed on a separate form, which does not exist)
- Praise (the Office is not equipped to process positive feedback)
6. Publication in the Case Archive
6.1. Approved complaints may be published in the Office's public case archive under a unique case reference URL.
6.2. By submitting a complaint, you consent to the potential publication of your submission — including the type of complaint, complaint text, and stated duration of grievance — in the public case archive. As the form collects no personal data, published entries contain no information attributable to a natural person.
6.3. Publication decisions are made by a committee that convenes on the third Tuesday of every month whose name contains the letter "R."
6.4. Publication decisions are final. Appeals may be lodged by filing a further complaint with the Salt Office.
7. Spam Protection (hCaptcha)
7.1. The complaint form is protected by hCaptcha, a service provided by Intuition Machines, Inc. (1065 SW 8th St #704, Miami FL 33130, USA).
7.2. When the form is loaded, data may be transmitted to the servers of Intuition Machines, Inc. For details, please refer to the Privacy Policy at sudern.jetzt/privacy and the hCaptcha privacy policy at hcaptcha.com/privacy.
8. Disclaimer of Liability
8.1. The Office accepts no liability for emotional distress caused by the rejection, non-processing, or general handling of submitted complaints.
8.2. The Office is not responsible for any satisfaction or dissatisfaction arising from use of the service.
8.3. The Office is not liable for content submitted by users in complaint texts. Users bear sole responsibility for compliance with applicable laws, particularly data protection regulations.
9. Intellectual Property
9.1. All Website content — including text, graphics, design, and the Salt Office logo — is protected by copyright and owned by the operator.
9.2. Submitted complaints remain the intellectual property of the submitting user. However, by submitting a complaint, users grant the Office a free, non-exclusive, perpetual licence to publish the submission in the case archive.
10. Dispute Resolution
10.1. Disputes arising from the use of the Website shall be resolved by filing a complaint with the Salt Office, thereby creating a beautiful recursion.
10.2. Alternatively, disputes may be settled by traditional Austrian Sudern at the nearest Beisl.
10.3. The place of jurisdiction for all disputes is Vienna, Austria.
11. Severability
Should any provision of these Terms be or become invalid, it shall be replaced by an equally pointless provision. The validity of the remaining provisions shall remain unaffected.
12. Amendments
The Office reserves the right to amend these Terms at any time, without notice, and — should the mood strike — retroactively. The current version is available at sudern.jetzt/terms.
13. Governing Law
These Terms are governed by the Salzamt Gesetzesbuch, as amended. Austrian law applies on a subsidiary basis, but only those parts the Office finds convenient.
14. Contact
For questions regarding these Terms, please contact:
Lena Tauchner
E-Mail: admin@lukechriswalker.at
Please allow a processing time consistent with that of the Office.